Two Danglers – Jurassic Park VHS Promo Video (1994)

They can’t all have Robert Patrick welcoming a sea of faceless retailers to the Terminator crew, but this Jurassic Park VHS Promotion rundown is still special in its own way. There’s no “host” here; everything is handled by the disembodied narrator who runs through Jurassic Park’s astonishing box office performance. The viewer is attacked by…

New Frontiers – Sierra News Magazine (1990)

Sierra On-Line, the gaming company responsible for such legends as King’s Quest and Space Quest, the gaming company that I’m always looking for a reason to talk about, had a period of about two decades where it seemed they couldn’t make a wrong move. Everything they did was bigger, brighter, and smarter than what they’d…

Welcome to Our Team – Terminator 2 VHS Promo Video (1991)

Terminator 2 was the second ‘real’ VHS cassette that I owned, Total Recall being the first. I had VHS movies before that, but they were mostly grainy SLP recordings of movies played on the HBO Free Preview Weekends. These, though, were cellophane-wrapped sleeves with official artwork, like what you picked up to look at in…

Devilishly Clever – The Scary Halloween Costume Book (1983)

This adorable how-to takes kids (and presumably their parents) through the steps to create costumes of all your classic movie monsters…and then some? The Scary Halloween Costume Book covers 11 different costumes, including any obvious accessories that character would have like a devil’s pitchfork or an ogre’s club or…a werewolf’s gym duffel bag. Let’s be…

Fred, Old Boy – MTV Freddy Krueger Special (1988)

MTV’s support for 1998’s Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master was pretty intense. In addition to wallpapering their commercial breaks with movie ads, sponsorship tie-ins, and conveniently in-depth “MTV News” segments, the network also aired The Freddy Krueger Special, a one-hour block featuring Freddy himself. A mixture of somewhat on-theme music videos, less…

Deadtime Stories – Freddy Krueger’s 900 Number (1980s)

There would be room in the Nightmare on Elm Street-verse for a 900 number that would end up trying to kill you. That’s a very Nightmare on Elm Street way to die, and very ’80s. We got the tongue phone in the original and again in New Nightmare, but that’s more of a Freddy prank…

The Hogarth Guarantee – Lucid Dream Machine (1980s)

Lucid Dreaming is an attractive idea; the thought of being able to achieve consciousness in your dreams and unlock the ability to control what happens is pretty exciting. Normally it takes a lot of discipline and conditioning to even try to pull it off, so of course it was only a matter of time before…

Exorbitant Amounts – Masterpiece Board Game Commercial (1970)

This 1970 effort to unseat Monopoly as the grown-up-games champion goes real grown-up in its marketing. The concept of Masterpiece seems interesting enough: you and your friends are art collectors at an auction. You get paintings that are assigned values ranging from fraud to $1 million, and your job is to buy/sell/auction your collection to…

Top Secret – Golgo 13 Commercial (NES) (1988)

As a kid I had no idea what Golgo 13 was, but the second issue of Nintendo Power sold me on it. I put it on my Christmas list, and Santa delivered. It was an early lesson in being careful what you wished for. Later on I learned that in Japan Duke Togo, Secret Agent…

Count Your Blessings – Rock Talk 1-900 number (1980s)

We can agree that the 900-number business is a shady industry across the board, right? If we agree on that – that there are no good 900-numbers – we can pick apart the nuance and determine that some 900-number ideas are better than others, some offerings more worthy of a phone call than others, some…